a new endeavor...

have you ever read an entire book while you were at barnes & noble? i have a few times. don't get me wrong, it wasn't war and peace or some other endless tome. i recently came across a book while with my sis. we both read the entire thing and laughed heartily. i was back this evening and decided that i needed to purchase said book and pass its goodness on to you, my loyal readers. [both of you]
it is:
i am neurotic (and so are you)
by lianna kong

kong compiled a list of neurotic tendencies that people entered on her site: iamneurotic.com

and i am here to share some of them, a little at a time, with you. i may interject some neuroses of my own, but i might not tell you which. i thoroughly encourage you to add your own or if you find someone else experiences the same thing you do, comment on the likeness. i love to see that we all share some neuroses.

so here is segment #1

food

food on my plate cannot touch other food. any part that has touched has to be placed to the side on the plate and not eaten.i consider it contaminated.

i am very picky about my chocolate chip cookies. i'll separate the batter into forty-eight tablespoon balls, and then add twelve chocolate chips to each ball. they are much tastier with the perfect number of chocolate chips.

i have precisely 20 nuts every morning before 11:00. these are counted out of the packet individually using a homemade cardboard nut counter, which consists of 5 rows or 4 equally marked-out squares.

i can only eat the middle of foods, like chips, eggs, or sandwiches. i leave all the crusts in a perfect form so they make up the shape again.

i hate tomatoes. yet whenever i order a sandwich, i deliberately order it with tomatoes and then pick them off. this way i keep what i call the 'essence of tomato'. i don't like sandwiches that don't have the essence.

hair!

the last time i cut my hair was feb '08. so here's the evolution that got me where i am now...

spring '08

feb '09

spring '09

oct '09

nov '09

look, no teeth! or lip gloss. au natural. like the scarf?

something from the heart

i recently came to terms with something in my life and am actively seeking to treat it. i've known my whole life that i come from a family in which depression is hereditary. but now i'm tracing through and finding that anxiety/anxiety attacks are also part of the smorgasbord of fun. (mom, i just want you to know that i spelled that right first time.) i knew that depression and anxiety are linked, but only quite recently inquired as to our family history with the latter. it appears that anxiety is, in fact, part of the mix. i have been experiencing something similar to cameron diaz's 'the holiday' character's "esophageal spasms". well, that's what it feels like anyway. hers are brought on by stress. mine are brought on by who knows. one sunday, we're worshipping in church and everything is great, suddenly i have an urge to escape to the empty hallway and gulp water because my heart is beating thickly in my throat. i wasn't experiencing anything emotional, or even thinking about anything other than the words of the song, but there i was, pawing at my throat trying to force my heart back down into my chest. i have acquired 'bach's flower remedies - rescue remedy'. it contains the essences of 5 different flowers that treats 5 different emotional or mental (yes, i'm completely mental) symptoms. i take 4 drops in a small glass of water twice a day. it appears to be working. and for whatever reason that is: real, placebo, or otherwise; it still cost me less than one doctor's visit in which she would probably put me on some synthetic chemical that would harm my body and turn me into a zombie. i know that depression and anxiety are real, chemical problems, and i don't take that lightly. i also don't believe that drugs are the answer for everyone. if you struggle with being bipolar or need to take anti-psychotic drugs, by all means, stay on them. but i fully believe that God doesn't want me to be substance-dependent. He created the plants and flowers and herbs that all manner of hippie-dippy, organic, granola-folk rely on to treat illness. i use those terms facetiously - i don't really feel that way about most of them (sure, some are crazy). why are people so leery of 'God's medicine' (natural), but will totally pop anything their doctor throws at them (unnatural)?

i'm just saying.

so now i come to terms with learning a little more about who i am. playing with the cards i'm dealt.

party pics